Growing up and being the eldest of four siblings, it is but natural to be stressed out in becoming a role model, especially when you’ve been exceeding expectations. Yes, pleasing everyone, technically, is my living. I maturely perceive opportunities, decisions which I often re-evaluate; both pros and cons, with regards to how will my parents/ family view it and more idiotically, how the people will react to it. My greatest downfall would be the fact that I overlook myself in the picture, unceasingly - in my quest of becoming whoever the world wishes me to be.
I am but a typical human being, however, I am a girl with extraordinary vigor and rather a very much ambitious visionary. But with this journey, wherein I have actually drowned myself out of the scene to bring forth the roles which other people picked out for me - everyday, I have been cheating on myself that at some point I’ll be honest, reveal my desires and make memories out of it. Yeah, I tell myself that but never do it anyway. Although, most of the time I am happy because I was able to appease most of the spectators and directors of my life, after every play, which ends everyday, I usually am lost and confound to more exhausting roles, less self deliberation - that my own voice and desires are now becoming lesser than a murmur.
// Despite the fact that I am tired, worn out - it has been both painful and rewarding, to be a spectacle to most of the people I care about. And in writing this side of my life, which is imperceptible to the public eye, also made me realize that behind every breath-taking view, lies obscure details and bleak shadows of emptiness.